


Cock-A-Doodle-Doo

by Sparky_Young_Upstart



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Funny, Gen, Safe For Work, penis game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 17:25:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4188486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparky_Young_Upstart/pseuds/Sparky_Young_Upstart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and i’m really just trying to study over here so i’m gonna put an end to this by winning the game” AU, inspired by a post on tumblr by bravespidey (http://bravespidey.tumblr.com/post/117617251601/au-ideas-you-never-asked-for) (josighah here on AO3).</p><p>Bobbi and Mack try to tempt Fitz and Jemma to the dark side by playing the penis game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cock-A-Doodle-Doo

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote another one based off of josighah's AU post. That thing's a goldmine.

“Say it.”

“No!”

“Come on, Fitz!”

Fitz buried his head in his hands and groaned. Beside him, his friend Bobbi was grinning evilly. Across the table their friends Mack and Jemma were both trying to focus on their books. It was a hard thing to do, what with Jemma trying to convince them all to play the Penis Game.

Ah, the Penis Game. A fun-filled tradition of adolescents across America, in which a group of people take turns saying the word “penis” louder and louder in a crowded place, and the winner is whoever can say it the loudest before people notice. School libraries were the most popular location to play, for obvious reasons.

“Bobbi, I get that you’re trying to bring, um, levity to the study group, but I’m not interested in being kicked out by Ms. May.” Fitz opened his textbook and emphatically stared at it in an attempt to prove his point.

Bobbi craned her neck to look at the librarian. “Oh, she’s busy reading. She won’t do anything.”

Mack looked over as well. “Yeah, that’s what they all say. Then you raise your voice too loud and she’s tossing you off the roof.”

Jemma grimaced. “Wait, what? That’s just a rumour. Right?”

Mack shook his head. “Oh no it ain’t. Ms. May is the toughest teacher in the school. She once punched a kid in the face for not having his hall-pass.”

Bobbi glared at him. “Don’t scare the new kid, Mack. Besides, you don’t have to worry about getting caught because I’m obviously the one who’s going to win.”

Mack rolled his eyes. “Keep telling yourself that, Bobbi.”

The blonde turned to face her bestie. “Oh, you think you can beat me in a penis-off?”

“That sounded much more vulgar than it was meant to, I think,” Jemma muttered.

Mack wasn’t fazed. “I seem to beat you at most things, so I don’t know how this would be any different.”

Bobbi grinned. “Alright then. I guess everybody’s in.”

Jemma gaped. “Um, no, no thank you, I have no intention of being carted off to Mr. Coulson’s office for public disturbance.”

Fitz sighed, knowing that this was going nowhere fast. “Jemma, let’s just do it. They’re not going to stop.”

Jemma still looked nervous, but if Fitz said that they’d be fine then she figured she could trust him. “Alright. I’ll go first then.” She looked around cautiously, then slowly, with her head facing downwards, she whispered. “ _Penis_ ”.

Bobbi tilted her head. “Did you actually say it?”

“Of course I did!” Jemma replied defensively. “You heard it, right Fitz?”

“Um…” Fitz replied, feigning aphasia. Jemma just glared at him. “Okay, I heard you. I’ll go next?”

“Go for it,” Mack said.

“Okay. Uh… _penis_.” Fitz’s statement was barely any more audible than Jemma’s. The other people in the library hadn’t noticed a thing. It was a little exhilarating, but still pretty nerve-wracking. Bobbi and Mack were smiling - they knew that one of them was going to take it home. They’d known from the beginning.

“I guess it all comes down to who goes first,” she said.

“Roshambo?” he asked.

The two held out their hands and bobbed them up and down, Mack dropping rock and Bobbi using scissors. She scoffed at Mac, who grinned and looked around.

“Watch and learn kids.” He cleared his throat. “Penis,” he declared. It was audible, that was for sure, but nobody beyond the table seemed to notice. Mac’s smile faded. “Really? I thought for sure somebody would hear that.”

Bobbi was smiling again. “You’re not thinking big enough, Mack. Let me show you how it’s done.” Jemma and Fitz exchanged a look of concern - if Bobbi didn’t get a reaction out of anybody then it would cycle back to them, and they were both certain that they’d be too loud to avoid punishment. Bobbi was taking some deep breaths, readying herself. She closed her eyes, exhaled, and with a great flourish she said “Penis.”

Mack scowled. “Come on Bobbi, that was quieter than mine was.”

“Was not.”

“Was to!”

“ **PENIS!** ”

The cry echoed through the library, which somehow became even more silent than before. The foursome looked at each other, but nobody at their table had shouted the word. Everyone in the library turned to see a girl walking passed Ms. May.

“Ms. Johnson, what on Earth was _that_?!”

Skye grinned. “That was the penis game.” She turned to look at the table. “Sorry, but you guys were way too amateur and were getting _super_ annoying. I just couldn’t take it anymore.” She shrugged and resumed leaving the library.

“Ms. Johnson -”

She waved Ms. May off. “Yeah, yeah, I know, report to Mr. Coulson’s office. At least it’s quiet enough in there to study.”

Ms. May stared after her in shock. Then she turned to Bobbi’s table and gave the group a look of confusion. They all just shrugged and went back to their books, pretending like nothing had happened.


End file.
